New Year's Outbreak
by Taito-Yamachi-lvr
Summary: The Resident Evil Outbreak gang throws a party! Rated T for language. Everything is used but the f word. If you don't like profanity, look elsewhere.
1. Default Chapter

Hey, I'm really into Resident Evil Outbreak right now. My three favorite characters are George, David, and Kevin. I did this story because I hoped it would be funny in such a scary and serious game. Here goes!

* * *

It's New Year's Eve…let's see what the Resident Evil Outbreak gang is doing…

* * *

"Woohoo!" Kevin yelled, somewhat drunk. "Give me another beer, bartender!"

The zombie bartender groaned and passed Kevin another beer. Then the bartender began wiping a mug with a rag.

George was standing rather stiffly by himself, and Kevin decided to cheer him up.

"Hey buddy, what's wrong?" Kevin asked, staggering over to George. He steadied himself by grabbing onto the countertop of the bar. "Can't walk tonight. Heh heh."

"That's because you've consumed too much beer," was George's reply.

"Maybe," Kevin said, "or maybe it's because I'm so blitzed from all the fun I'm having!"

"Uh, I think it's the beer," George said, inching away.

"Hey, don't be like that, pal," Kevin said, clapping a hand down on George's shoulder. "You need to lighten up a little. Here, have a beer."

"No thanks," George said, holding up a hand and shaking his head. "I don't want to ruin my good health."

"Aw, come one," Kevin prodded, waving the mug. "You only live once!"

"Then I'd like to live it in good health," George said, a little snappish. "Besides, the mug's empty."

Kevin grinned. "That can be fixed."

The zombie bartender filled up a new mug, and started to wipe another one, when the hand holding the dirty mug snapped off and hit the floor. The mug shattered, and the zombie moaned loudly.

"So," Kevin said, returning to George with the new mug, "What do you say?"

George eyed the mug, torn, and chewed his lip. After a while, he gave in.

"Oh, why the hell not," he said, taking it. "What could happen?"

He took a sip.

* * *

"Dude, you know what?" George said. "Back in high school, I was the shizzit in breakdancing!"

George had changed into his other outfit (you know, the True Tenderness one with the sunglasses and yellow coat), and the beer had made him thoroughly crazy.

"Really?" Kevin said, taking another sip of beer from his own mug. He was enjoying the laid back George. He was…funny!

"Yeah, man! Oh dude. Check out this shit!" George said, stepping back a few paces. "Give me some music!"

Kevin put down his mug and started making noises with his mouth (like the rap videos).

"Oh damn, oh damn, somebody better hold me back!" George yelled, and then flew into breakdancing.

* * *

"Check out those two crazy muthers," Jim said, pointing at Kevin and George. "That doctor thinks he can dance."

"He _can_ dance," Mark commented, "but he's pretty old. He might hurt himself."

"Yeah, man, I guess so, but- Holy shit! Where'd that hot chick come from?" Jim yelled.

"Who?" Mark asked, looking around. "Cindy?"

"Naw, dawg, that fine ass Lucy Liu one!"

Mark stared. "You mean Yoko?"

"Wow, man, I never noticed how fine she was!" Jim said, staring at her.

Mark glanced over at him. "Uh, she's not 'fine', you're just drunk."

"Hold up, hold up, I'm going to make a move on her," Jim said, running a hand through his short hair. He left the table and began walking towards her.

At the table, Mark shook his head.

"Crazy muther," he muttered.

* * *

Yoko uttered a string of Japanese angrily.

"Yeah, well, don't come near me with your hydrogen bombs!" David yelled. "I know all about your secret army that's specifically trained to destroy me. You think you have me fooled, but NO! I'm on to you, woman!"

Yoko rolled her eyes and walked away.

* * *

Beer had made David paranoid, and he thought everyone was out to get him. Hence, his outburst with Yoko.

David stiffened as Jim walked by.

"Oh my god, a driveby!" David yelled.

He overturned the table and used it as a shield against his imaginary delusions.

Jim kept on walking.

* * *

"And (sniffle), everyone (sniff) thinks I'm a total bitch (sniff), BECAUSE IT'S TRUE!" Alyssa sobbed, laying her head down on the table and crying. Cindy patted her head.

"It's okay, Alyssa," she said. "At least you're good at admitting that you're a stuck up, arrogant, pushy bitch."

Alyssa looked up. "Ex_cuuuse_ me?"

* * *

Jim had reached Yoko, and surprisingly, things were going quite well.

"And so I was wondering if maybe you'd like, you know, to come back to my place," Jim said.

"Oh, Yoko would _love_ to," she said, but was interrupted.

"AT LEAST I'M NOT AN ANNOYING WHORE!" Alyssa screeched.

"AT LEAST I'M NOT A WORTHLESS BITCH!" Cindy shrieked.

They got into a fight, scratching at each other and pulling each other's hair.

Jim broke up the fight.

"All right, _I'll_ settle this," he said. "You're both bitches."

They both started fighting with him.

"Get your hands off Yoko's man, bimbos!" Yoko yelled, joining in the fight.

David climbed on top of a table.

"Take this, you assassins!" he yelled, and leapt into the fight, landing on a few people and knocking them down.

Over in their corner, Kevin and George looked over.

George stood up.

"Oh man, dawg, lookit all dem bitches gettin' in each other's faces," he said.

They ran over, and George attempted to settle everyone down.

"Step off, bitches!"

"George, shut the f--- up!" someone yelled.

"Oh, so now the black man gets it, huh?" George said. "It's because I'm BLACK, isn't it!"

"George, you aren't black," Mark said from his table.

"Don't be hatin' a brother, brother!" George said.

The fight started up again, and Kevin and George got sucked into it.

Mark shook his head.

"Man, this place is a f---ing nuthouse," he said. "Full of crazy mother f------."

* * *

"Ergh…my head," George groaned, rubbing his head. His whole body hurt. What happened last night?

He rolled over to see Kevin sitting next to him on the floor with a smile.

"You were great," Kevin said.

George let out a yell of disgust and crawled away.

Kevin laughed.

"I'm just kidding," he said. "Nothing happened. I dragged you here after you got sick and threw up."

George groaned as he sat up, his head pounding. He searched through his medical kit, but…

"Where the f--- is all my aspirin?" he yelled.

Kevin shrugged.

"The others took it."

* * *

David was pissed.

"I hate you all! It was a HORRIBLE idea to go drinking!"

Jim looked up.

"Pity you can't make something to fix that mouth of yours."

"I can make something to fix yours," David said, smashing one end of a beer bottle on a table so it became jagged. "You want to start something, _hombre_?"

Jim smashed a bottle so it became jagged.

"Hell yeah, let's go, Latino!"

"Now kids (urgh!), no fighting (ow!), no biting," George said. He had to lean on Kevin because last night's drinking binge hadn't worn off. He had to wait until he could walk properly again. And he needed aspirin.

"Which one of you bastards took all my aspirin?" he demanded.

"Oh, so now it's YOUR aspirin?" Alyssa asked.

"It's _always_ been my aspirin!" George said. "It was in my bag!"

"Are you suggesting that we looted your bag?" Jim asked.

George stared at Jim's wrist.

"Hey, that's my watch, you little punk!"

"Oh damn!"

George chased Jim around for a while, and then caught him.

"Give me back my aspirin!" George yelled. "And my watch!"

He managed to wrestle his items off Jim, and swallowed some aspirin.

"Now, maybe we can think clearer, and never do this again," he said.

"Amen," David agreed.

* * *

It's over! I would just like to say that I do not own Resident Evil Outbreak or any of its characters, and that I have never played the game in my life, so I'm sorry if I got the personalities wrong. I was going to have Yoko's Japanese translated in subtitles for one part, but wasn't sure how to do it, so I left it out. I would also like to say sorry to all the readers of my Zim fic, I'll work on it when I get out of this Resident Evil Outbreak phase. Er…let me know how you like it (I doubt I'll do another one; how can I continue it?), and I'll see you around!

Peace and Love!

"Stop! You're triggering their defense mechanism!"

"What, the reek of wet ass?"

Sealab 2021, Dr. Quinn and Sparks

(I love you Sparks! )


	2. Beach Party Outbreak

Howdy, folks! C'est moi again. Here with another update for my precious few resident evil reviewers. I love you! Yes I do! I love you so much…psst…tell your buddies about my fanfics…slithers into the shadows

Thank you so much to the reviewer who said I should do a beach fanfic. Here it is.…also…if, uh, anyone feels the need for fanart…I'll take it. That's it. I'll shut up.

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Golly gee! The RE Outbreak gang has decided to have a little old beach party! Let's see what happens…

"Unnnnnh!"

"Hey! _You_ asked me to bury you, pal!" Kevin said to the zombie buried in the sand.

_Hee hee_, Kevin thought to himself as he walked away. _The tide's bound to come in soon. And even if it doesn't, there's probably a zombie dog wandering around who wants to mark his territory…_

Everyone had gathered on the beach for a little R&R, although a certain individual had to have his tea drugged so he could be stuffed into a trunk. Kevin didn't understand George's aversion to having fun.

"I won't go!" George had said, throwing a little hissy fit. "And you can't make me!"

Then he had turned his back, and Kevin drugged his tea. And made him go.

_Ha ha, sweet revenge…_

_-----------------------------------------------------------------_

George groaned, his head throbbing. He tried to sit up, but bumped his face against a low ceiling. He fell back with another groan, rubbing his nose. Where was he?

_Keep calm, George, you're probably in a car trunk. That ass Kevin must've drugged your tea. If you just keep cool, you can get out. Now, what are your escape options?_

_----------------------------------------------------------------_

In the restroom, David paused. Frowning, he strained his ears for the sound he had just heard. It sounded like someone was screaming at the top of their lungs, but muffled. Like they had tinfoil wrapped around their head. You shouldn't wrap tinfoil around your head unless secret Russian spies try to read your thoughts—oh wait, there it was again.

Zipping up his pants (but not washing his hands—yuck!), David dashed out of the bathroom and saw the others running toward the parking lot. No doubt they had heard the scream as well. He ran after them and managed to catch up to Kevin, who looked a bit guilty (and sweaty).

"This is _your_ fault, I bet," David said accusingly, scowling at Kevin as they jogged.

"I'm innocent until proven guilty, buddy," Kevin replied, trying to appear indifferent.

The screaming was coming from Kevin's police car. Kevin turned red as everyone glared at him accusingly.

"Ha ha, oh yeah," he laughed nervously, fumbling with a set of keys he took out of his pocket. "I forgot to let George out."

The screams stopped when Kevin jingled the keys loudly.

"George?" he said loudly. "I know you can hear me. Well, actually, I don't. If you're still conscious, listen. I'm going to open the trunk, but I don't want you to attack me. 'Cause I know kung fu, and you'll get hurt. Remember how I cornered the leech man and kicked the shit out of him? That'll be you."

David slapped Kevin's arm. Kevin glared at him angrily.

"Ow!" Kevin hissed, rubbing his arm.

"Get on with it!" David snapped.

"I'm unlocking it!" Kevin said quickly, turning the key and lifting the trunk. George immediately jumped on Kevin and knocked him to the ground, trying to beat him up even though he had no clue how to fight.

"OW! Stop pulling my hair, you asshole! It takes TIME to make it look like that! Ouch!"

"I can't _believe_ you drugged my tea! Is nothing sacred?"

"Wish I'd thought of it," David mumbled, giving the asphault a surly look. But it wasn't the asphault's fault that David hadn't thought of it.

After Mark and David pulled the two off of each other and made them apologize ("I'm sorry…_not!_"), Jim suggested that they all change into their beach wear and help set up the volleyball net.

"We can bust out the cooler, yo!" he said.

"Which has…BEER!" Kevin shouted excitedly.

"David," George said. "I know you may think I'm a loose cannon, but I calmed down considerably after a few minutes. However, you've been _holding _on to me _after_ I calmed down. I can walk. I'm not crippled."

David immediately let go and turned red, quickly stomping towards the restroom while everyone gave him peculiar looks.

-----------------------------------------------------

Kevin grinned at his reflection in the mirror and winked at himself before heading outside.

"Babes, prepare to be dazed!" he proclaimed loudly, puffing up his chest and putting his fists on his hips. "Because Kevin Ryman is _all_ man!"

David shuffled out of the bathroom behind him, looking Kevin up and down. The only thing Kevin was wearing were some black swimming trunks with the letters "R.P.D." on the front of them.

"Why do they say 'R.P.D.'?" David asked, folding his arms. He had taken off his mustard yellow plumber's outfit and had changed into a white tanktop and some white shorts. He had also donned some sandals.

"Because they belong to the Raccoon Police Department," Kevin replied.

"What belongs to it? Your shorts, or your—"

"Hey, HEY! Let's keep it PG-13 here!" Kevin snapped.

Cindy and Alyssa came out wearing the same style and color of bikini. They spotted each other, and the cat fight began.

"Hey! You copied me, bitch!" Alyssa shrieked, stabbing a finger at Cindy.

"No, _you_ copied _me_, whore!" Cindy screamed, pulling Alyssa's hair.

Alyssa shrieked and slapped Cindy across the face, and suddenly they were caught up in a wrestling match. Mark (who was in his garden clothes) and Jim (who was wearing some midnight blue trunks) joined Kevin and David in watching the girls wrestle with each other. Yoko sat at a distance away from everyone, silently tapping away at her laptop. She had not bothered to change into swimming clothes.

"Shouldn't there be a mud pit or something?" Kevin commented, watching the two girls roll around on the sand.

"I don't see any mud," David pointed out. "Besides, this is fine."

"Yo! Shut up!" Jim yelled, his eyes fixed on the women. "The ladies are fighting here, man!"

After a minute or so of silence(well, the women were kind of grunting as they fought, but you know what I mean), everyone heard George say something.

"Dear Lord, I feel so old-fashioned!" he wailed, sounding embarassed. "I wish you hadn't dragged me along to this get-together, Kevin…"

He came out of the bathroom, and when everyone saw what he was wearing their mouths dropped open. Cindy and Alyssa even stopped fighting.

George was wearing one of those old, red-striped swimsuits, like the kind Moe of _The Three Stooges_ wore. He looked so ancient and out-dated that Kevin felt a need to intervene.

"Georgie! Take that off right now!" he ordered, dragging George back into the bathroom. "I'll give you a REAL swimsuit."

Everyone stared after them, horrified and even offended at the sight they had just seen.

"You think we should leave them alone in there?" David wondered, looking at the bathroom.

No one answered. Mark's jaw began opening and closing, and he shook his head and blinked several times, as though coming out of a trance. The others did the same, and staggered off in the general direction of the volleyball net. David waited by the bathroom, and overheard some of Kevin's and George's conversation.

"You look like a geezer in that! Take it off!"

"Fine! Quit pulling! You'll rip it!"

"I wish I could _incinerate_ that thing! It's hideous!"

"Oh, shut up. I don't judge your fashions."

"Thank god."

"Hmph!"

"Here, put these on."

"Where's the top?"

"There, uh, isn't a top. Notice how I'm shirtless?"

"I'm not going to go prancing around on the beach half-naked!"

"…do you want to look good, or do you want to be locked in the stall?"

"…"

David heard some rustling as George pulled on some clothing.

"There. How do I look? Ridiculous, no doubt."

"You look, ah…pretty goddamn good. Better than me. Maybe I should have given you a top."

"Shut up. Let's go outside and get this over with."

David heard the two men walk out of the bathroom. He was tempted to whistle when he saw George.

George was wearing some dark green shorts similar to Kevin's, but they didn't have any letters on them. Surprisingly, George had a more muscular upper body than Kevin did. Kevin looked a bit irked at the fact.

"Come on, or they'll choose teams without us," Kevin said, dragging George towards the others while David stumbled after them.

-------------------------------------------------

Cindy and Alyssa found George attractive all of a sudden, and Kevin and David had to beat them off.

"Whoa! Step _away_ from the Doc, ma'am!" Kevin said, pushing Cindy away from George.

"No, I will not accept sex as a bribe," David said to Alyssa, folding his arms. "Not from _you_, anyway."

Yoko merely glanced up at all the hubbub, then returned to her typing. Mark sat down next to her.

"You sure you should have that thang next to the water?" he asked, pointing at her laptop. "I don't know jack squat about computers, but electronics and water…"

She looked up at him, smiling at his concern for her. Or was his concern for …her laptop? She shot the laptop an angry glare as Mark sipped his beer.

_My laptop is SUCH a whore._

_------------------------------------------------------------_

It was time for the choosing of the teams to commence. Kevin and Mark were the captains.

"I choose…George," Kevin said, smiling as he pointed at him.

"Yoko," Mark grunted gruffly.

"Uh…Cindy," Kevin chose.

"(groan) Alyssa," Mark sighed.

"David, I guess," Kevin said with a shrug.

David glared at him as he stalked forward to join the team.

"What the f—k took you so long?" he growled, punching Kevin.

Jim was standing by himself, looking rather pissed.

"Oh, so now the TRUE black man gets it!" he complained, marching over to Mark's team. "Damn segregated teams! Of course, only the WHITE man would choose a black man last!"

"…Jim, Mark's black," George pointed out.

Jim was silent for a few moments.

"Well, uh…that makes it even worse! No support from the brothas!"

------------------------------------------------------------

_Whumpf!_

"Man down!" Kevin laughed as Jim was knocked down by the force of Kevin's spike.

"Yeah, real funny, officer," Jim said, picking the ball up. "Try that again and we'll see what happens."

"Okay," Kevin replied, shrugging.

_Whumpf!_

"One more time! Just one more time!"

"Do you REALLY want your ass handed to you that badly?"

"Bring it!"

_WHUMPF!_

"Jim, might I suggest—" George began.

"Stuff it, Doc!" Jim yelled, not wanting distractions. "I'm in my zone!"

George sighed and sat down on the sand, away from the net. Social gatherings always made him feel…awkward. Especially when all the people here were strangers. Or strange, at least.

He heard someone walking up to him from behind. Cindy, no doubt. Or Alyssa.

"Yo," David said, sitting down beside him.

George nearly jumped out of his skin.

"Uh…yo," he replied, smilng uneasily.

_WHUMPF!_

To their surprise, it was Jim's laughter that followed, not Kevin's.

"I got you right between the EYES, boy!" Jim laughed.

David and George turned around to see what had caused this miracle to occur. Kevin had fallen onto his ass and was glaring…at them.

David glared right back, putting an arm around George. George looked offended. He cleared his throat and tried to shrug off David's arm. No luck. He cleared his throat a little louder and shrugged a little harder. Nothing.

"AHEM! Get your goddamned arm OFF me, David King!"

David quickly complied, and Kevin started marching toward the two of them.

"Oh, this is a fine mess you've gotten us into, Mr. King," George grumbled. "Mr. Ryman is coming over here to kick the shit out of us because he's homophobic."

"No…" David murmured, watching Kevin carefully. "I think he's going to drag you away."

Sure enough, Kevin hauled George away.

"God, George, I can't believe you!" he yelled. "You're such a whore! S'okay, you're still cool with me."

"Gee, that's terrific news," George muttered sarcastically.

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As the day began to cool off, and night began to fall (and nipples started to harden…hee hee), the gang decided it was time to leave. They packed up their things, and cleaned up their mess. Only one thing remained: who was going to ride with who?

David and Kevin latched onto George simultaneously.

"I'm going with George!" they both yelled.

"Right, well, that's settled," Mark said, secretly relieved that he didn't have to share a car with them. "Yoko, Jim, would you like to ride with me?"

They both nodded.

"That leaves Cindy and Alyssa alone," Mark said.

"Are you sure that's safe?" Jim asked.

"I don't know," Kevin said seriously. "They might try to make out."

Jim's hand shot up into the air.

"I volunteer to ride with Cindy and Alyssa!" he cried.

---------------------------------------------------

Kevin shot David a surly glance, and David returned it. They were both in Kevin's police car, and George had been put into the back seat where prisoners were kept. George certainly felt like a prisoner.

_Someone get me out of here before I get AIDS_, he thought.

"It's strange," he said out loud, causing David and Kevin to jump. "I feel as though we've forgotten something."

---------------------------------------------------

On the beach, the buried zombie groaned in triumph. It had worked one hand free! Now all that remained was—

It stopped, listening. What was that snuffling sound?

A zombie dog made its way down the beach, sniffing for a fresh piece of territory. Coming across the sand mound smelling of carcass, it let loose, causing the zombie to let out a moan of anguish.

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Holy christ, 9 pages! I like my first one better. Some how this turned into David x George x Kevin. Weird. My "History of Hamilton" I'll try to make David x George x Kevin, but not as openly. David x Kevin is awfully popular, but I don't see the allure of it. I'm not too fond of David, actually. 0.0

Reviews…too weak to write…without…reviews…


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